Santa Clara county Richter scale

3.0 - 3.9:

Motion comparable to upset stomach after bad burrito. Freeways impassable.

4.0 - 4.9:

Slight fizz noticeable in refrigerated mineral water. Freeways impassable.

5.0 - 5.9:

Wine racks upset. Freeways impassable.

6.0:

Difficult to jog. White caps in hot tubs. Freeways impassable.

7.0:

U-storage facilities collapse. Tsunamis in waterbeds. Small cars upset. Freeways impassable.

7.9:

RVs overturned. Suction-cup Garfields jarred off car windows. Freeways impassable.

8.0:

Malls evacuated. Hackers notice movement. Freeways beginning to clear.

8.9:

Jack-in-the-Box restaurants close. Freeways clear.